The Truth, and I'd Never Lie, Trust Me
When I answer the phone, I'm not thinking of ways to try and hinder your success. I willingly promise I am not trying to make your life harder, I will help you as much as I can without putting my job in jeopardy. I have called doctors at home and paged them overhead at country clubs. I will dial every number in any account before I tell you "tough luck," I swear.
People seem to think that I have a stash box that I carry around that has super-amazing fix-all numbers and a wand as a last resort. That if they say the magic words, I will open the box and solve all their problems.
IT ISN'T TRUE
I promise I'm not holding out on you. Like I said, I will do what I can, but if I say, "All I can do is email him a message," I don't mean, "I have his cell phone and home phone and the numbers for all his closest friends and family, and actually he's standing right here, but I don't want to get his attention because I like to make you suffer. On top of that, you're a bitch." If you then repeat your name and situation umpteen times to me, so that I have to say, "Like I said, all I can do is send him an email," so many times that I feel as if I should just be sampled and played back in a Fat Boy Slim 'song'...Well...The subtext will certainly be, "I wish I had all that stuff and that I wouldn't lose my job if I called you a bitch and I wish you were here so I could smash an egg in your face. Oh, and I wish I had some eggs."
I guess the whole point of this is: I'm pissed off, I like eggs, and there is no all-encompassing "Oh, well in that case..." phrase that will get you what you want from someone on the phone. Just deal with it, call during office hours, suck it up or suck it. On top of that, you're a bitch.
People seem to think that I have a stash box that I carry around that has super-amazing fix-all numbers and a wand as a last resort. That if they say the magic words, I will open the box and solve all their problems.
IT ISN'T TRUE
I promise I'm not holding out on you. Like I said, I will do what I can, but if I say, "All I can do is email him a message," I don't mean, "I have his cell phone and home phone and the numbers for all his closest friends and family, and actually he's standing right here, but I don't want to get his attention because I like to make you suffer. On top of that, you're a bitch." If you then repeat your name and situation umpteen times to me, so that I have to say, "Like I said, all I can do is send him an email," so many times that I feel as if I should just be sampled and played back in a Fat Boy Slim 'song'...Well...The subtext will certainly be, "I wish I had all that stuff and that I wouldn't lose my job if I called you a bitch and I wish you were here so I could smash an egg in your face. Oh, and I wish I had some eggs."
I guess the whole point of this is: I'm pissed off, I like eggs, and there is no all-encompassing "Oh, well in that case..." phrase that will get you what you want from someone on the phone. Just deal with it, call during office hours, suck it up or suck it. On top of that, you're a bitch.
posted by SamSam at 3:28 PM
2 Comments:
Let's call Fatboy's people... it'd be an instant hit. ;-) I'm sorry people are stupid. Shall I buy you some eggs for face smashing?
Love,
K-La-La
Yes, Fatboy was very receptive to my suggestion. But he said he may be more prone to sample "Corporate Accounts Payable, Mina speaking."
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