I am drained of tears and my body is just wracking against itself forcefully. I have already vomited twice and once the gurgling dies down in my throat I may again. I am painfully lost between feeling destroyed and stupid to react so wildly to a fiction, but my throat is actually hoarse and in pain for shouting curses into the night. If anyone heard them, I'm sure they think I lost a lover or a brother to a real skirmish and I apologize. Who am I to so completely fall into a hyperventilating mess while one of my best friends has a husband, real and palpable and amazing, who faces actual warfare? I feel betrayed by my emotions and so aware of the world and I called my father at 3 in the morning to tell him I loved him. I hate that I need comforting right now. More, I hate that no one else does. Not because they don't care, but because they're slower than I. And I hate to think that just last night the world was celebrating, parties at midnight, people dressed like witches and wizards and bobbing for apples down at Barnes and Noble or whatever they do, excitedly awaiting the strike of the hour when they could lay their hands on what has so fully devastated me tonight. To think that the story was written and we celebrated so early. And tomorrow I will be mourning, and next week, so will so many others. Normally I wouldn't have time to write, as I'd be reading a second time those highly anticipated words. But I can't bring myself to even look at the book as it makes me heave uncontrollably. I don't know that I'll ever bring myself to read this particular book again. I am the world's biggest nerd.

Sad, sad bunny...

I'm actually so bored I went hunting for spam questionnaires. Sad, sad, sad, sad bunny.

1. What time did you wake up this morning?
10 am, early as hell, but I had to fill out some jury thing online or they would hold me in contempt. Fucking government.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
I would say pearls because I would like that to be the answer, but Next to the smooth luster of a pearl, my face looks spotty and course as sandpaper, so I'll say diamonds...diamonds. And I don't mean rhinestones, but diamonds...

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Sad to say it was The Interpreter, affectionately known as the worst movie ever.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
I know you guys totally won't believe this, but I'm really into The Office. Shock, huh?

5. What did you have for breakfast?
Three cigarettes, a homemade turtle and a 20 oz iced Oregon Chai. I'm obviously on a diet.

6. Peach yogurt or granola?
Oookay? Since the idea of peach yogurt makes me cringe and I loves me some granola, I choose granola by naerly a thousand percent. But hey, weird question. Way weird. Freaks.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Sushi. It makes me feel good. I want some right now! Where can I get sushi at 3:50 am, anyone? Do they deliver?

8. What foods do you dislike?
Tomatoes? Brie? I'm sure there are tons, but I prefer not to think about that.

9. What is your favorite crisp flavour?
The person from whom I stole this thought a crisp was a cracker. Stupid Americans. Anyway, I love Tim's Cascade Sea Salt and Vinegar. I would eat them until me tongue bled if you let me.

10. What is your favourite CD at the moment?
Oooh. The Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack, as it's the one in my player at the moment. Earlier today I was all about Tom Petty and The Killers.

11. What kind of car do you drive?
A 93 Ford Taurus, White. White Hot June. I washed her Monday; the first time in the year she's been mine. I'm sorry babe.

12. Favourite sandwich?
Probably turkey breast on whole wheat with honey mustard and mayo and lettuce and red onion. Maybe a pesto pannini with mozarella and chicken and I'm hungry.

13. What characteristics do you despise?
Unfunniness, Careless spelling and grammar mistakes, Ignorance. Things that it would only take a moment to correct, but you just don't because you don't care. Grrr.

14. Favourite items of clothing?
Low cut tops, nice fitting jeans, china flats, I love all my clothes.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Hmmmm...London? Surprised?

16. What colour is your bathroom?
White, blah. But we do have a budding Vargas girl theme in there. It's be cool someday.

17. Favourite brand of clothing?
Don't know that I have one, really. I'm loving Levis jeans at the moment, but I love anything that looks good on me, so, basically I'm a brand slut.

18. Where would you retire to?
Would I be lame to say Sun Valley? I've never quite been any place as pretty and I think if I ever have the kind of leisure time to just sort of soak up my surroundings, Sun Valley's the surroundings I'd love to soak.

19. Favourite time of the day?
Whenever I'm having fun. Usually around dusk is when the fun begins, so 9:30-ish?

20. What was your most memorable birthday?
Well, I don't remember much of it, but 21 is exciting. (That's totally a lie. I remember most of what happenned, I just don't remember being aware of my body at all. I remember what was going on in my brain, but not my limbs. Ooops!)

21. Where were you born?
Nampa, Idaho.

22. Favourite sport to watch?
Football. Both continents' types.

23. What book are you reading now?
Nothing. I just finished Mirror, Mirror and didn't have time to start and finish another one before July 16th. Big night, that. (Nerd alert)

24. What fabric detergent do you use?
Tide. Everything else gives me a rash after a couple of weeks

25. Coke or Pepsi?
I hate it when people put something here like "Root Beer" or "Sprite". The question isn't "What's your favorite soda?" It's, "If you had to choose one or the other and neither wasn't an option..." The only right answer, by the by, is Coke.

26. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
It's 4:13 am. And no, I didn't just get up all chipper. I'm still goin' from...oh, who the fuck am I kidding, I'm at work. Yukky.

27. What is your shoe size?
10-ish

28. Do you have any pets?
Bond, the loudest cat known to man.

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your friends?
I'm not pregnant, and I have the cramps to prove it. You may be asking yourself, "how does SamSam never use a condom or birth control and still not get pregnant?" Well, I'm not going to tell you. You'll just have to guess.

30. What did you want to be when you were little?
Anything that sounded good. Really, radiologist, lawyer, ballerina, fashion designer, singer, welder. Mostly just wanted to be an adult.

31. What are you doing today?
I am sleeping all fucking day, then I'm going to tell MaryAnne to fuck herself, I can't work tomorrow til 2am, then I'm going to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory with my friend (not firned), SamSam.

Reminder

I was reminded briefly of Willamette last night when my friend Dave spun fire. And by fire, I mean sparklers tied to yarn. It was fucking amazing.

Afro Ben

Once, at a party I met this boy named Ben. He had a jewfro, id est, a big curly mass of dark hair, perfectly round, soft and fluffy, atop his oh-so-white, big nose face. Large dark eyes, well dressed, gorgeous...I totally have the hots for him still. He and I chatted and played ten fingers and he put his hand down the front of my dress...you know...all the usual stuff. Of course, I slept with Jay that night and Ben went home. And that was a damn good thing, because I saw him the next weekend and he had cornrows. Cornrow Ben. Shudder.

Hey, Joe...

More on Joe after he bores of reading my drivel...