Tuesday, April 26

The Sad but True

I've never much cared for this weblog. It's a place for me to post when I feel like it, to spew a little bit; an outlet to keep people updated, or at least convince myself that they may care in some capacity since I left college and as a result depleted my friend network to nearly nothing. I've never been a regular poster and I have tried to get my page up and going. Tried to be interesting. Tried a lot of things. But I always feel inadequate when I read the pages of amazing webloggers and know that maybe (just maybe) I could be like them.

I've been writing for years, funny stuff, award winning stuff, semi-published stuff. I'd say my 7th grade English teacher, Phyll, put it best when she said, "I hated having you in my class; one day you'd come in and write the best work I'd ever read by any student, college or otherwise, and the next you'd have some crumpled up piece of paper with nonsense sprawled on it. I'd think you weren't better than 5th grade."

It's always comes down to the same thing...I'd rather read The Slaughterhouse Five again than write about Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry. But I would write a poem in iambic pentameter about bulimia before I would go ride my bike around the block. My first term paper my senior year was on books about Hitler between the world wars. I turned it in late and got a B. My second was on Lotte Lenya, a staple actress in Bertholt Brecht plays and the wife of Brecht's composer Kurt Weill. I poured my heart and soul into this term paper so much, I was bawling and had to have someone else turn it in for me. I couldn't bear to let it go and be judged. (It puts a lump in my throat still)

This was my problem in college. I hated my classes. "Old Testament as History 204" would take backseat to my going to the theatre to learn how to walk like a sex goddess while wearing 7 inch heels. I'd rather volunteer to fix lights than write a paper about the plausibility of the Senate accepting Socrates' fine. But I'd rather write a paper about Descartes than journal about my sexually repressed "Romantic Poetry" professor talking about what the sea represents in poems about ships.

The point is, I apologize for being a failure and disappointment in the "blogosphere"' not being like Bouncer X, who is amazingly hilarious and unbelievably cool and grotesquely talented. The title of this post is a link to his site. Get hooked on him if you want a great read. (PS-I feel the need to admit that I would really like little more than to be listed on his BlogRoller, or at least to know that every now and then he may come and check out the fro and not find it bitterly disheartening that people such as myself read and appreciate his skill)

Am I Drunk Yet?

I'm just saying for the record, this week cannot go fast enough. I am more than 100% ready to be 21 and it's about fucking time.

For those of you who don't already know, the title is sometimes a link. Right now it links to a webpage where a Willamette student once held the top honor for nearly a year and a half. It's really gone downhill.

Friday, April 22

I stole this from K-La-La; her answer to the last question was so sweet, I'll never find a better friend than her, I swear.

10 REALLY RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

1. I am embarassed enough about dropping out of college to refer to myself in conversation as a college opt-out.
2. I have never had a vocal lesson in my life.
3. My stepmother had 2 things I wish I had: a T-Shirt that said, "If you don't like my peaches, Don't shake the tree" and a romantic relationship with Rob Lowe.
4. I met Brian Setzer on a street corner in Boise. That's where I meet all the rich men, wink. I told him he looked like Brian Setzer. He said, "Yeah, I'm Brian."
5. I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep in a bed without a feather mattress cover again and get a good night's sleep.
6. My good friend Dave's first girlfriend's name was Sharon. Sharon Barto.
7. I get scared while shopping for baby showers.
8. I get scared applying for really good jobs.
9. I live in a city with an entire week-long festival dedicated to floating the river. I have lived here all my life. I have never floated the river.
10. I am dieting to reach a misses size 11/12. The last time I was in that size was the summer of my fifth grade year.

9 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART

1. Let me catch you staring at me. I makes me feel awkward and beautiful at the same time. Butterflies...
2. Know when to laugh at me and don't make me be all gushy. I'm not your schmoopie, you dig?
3. No matter how much you dislike it, don't tell me that the music I listen to is dumb or meaningless or sold out. Better yet. Like it. If I feel like we have this in common, I will be yours for longer than I should be.
4. Make me laugh.
5. Make me feel beautiful. Touch me when you don't have to, show me you're not with me just because you're desperate.
6. Never, ever ignore me; I'll accept no lovin' if you're busy or not in the mood, but being ignored makes me doubt my worth and you don't want me to break up with you because I don't feel lie I deserve to be with anyone, do you?
7. Hug me for a long time. Press your hips against me. That's hot.
8. Make something for me. Yes, just something. Spelling my name with the garden hose would count. Spelling it with urine would be borderline. It depends where you wrote it and whether you wrote my whole name or my nickname.
9. Dance with me. (I want to be your partner, can't you see? The music is just starting. Night is calling and I am falling. Dance with me.)

8 THINGS I CARRY/WEAR EVERYDAY

1. Dr Feelgood (benefit)
2. Mascara (Rimmell)
3. SPF 30 face and body moisturizer (Oil of Olay)
4. bra (preferrably push-up)
5. earrings (usually silver chandeliers or drops)
6. lipstick
7. debit card
8. cigaretes

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1. People with runny noses, especially when it's quiet time.
2. Jeans that lie and say they're low rise talls when they actually sit at my natural waist and are too short to wear with flats.
3. Sitting down to type on my page and not being able to think of anything to write.
4. When I say stupid things and I know I am smarter than that.
5. My cat laying on my face when I'm about to fall asleep.
6. Underwear.
7. When guys ask me where they can find a girl like me, but what they mean is, "Where can I find a girl like you who is also pretty". Fuckin' bastards.

6 PLACES I'VE VISITED

1. The Precious Moments Chapel and theme park
2. The Tom Mix Museum
3. Wall Drug Store
4. The Prairie Dog Village
5. Nowata, Oklahoma
6. Hoots Highway Cafe

THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. See The Moldy Peaches perform live.
2. Streak in London.
3. Dance/play/make-out in a public fountain.
4. Sing in a nightclub.
5. Go on a cruise.

4 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF

1. Not doing any of those 5 things.
2. Thinking I am better than I am, having been lied to all these years.
3. My chef roommate not liking the food I make.
4. Not being able to lose weight. Feeling unattractive for the rest of my life

3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY

1. Pee.
2. Smoke.
3. Talk on the phone.

2 THINGS I'M TRYING NOT TO DO NOW

1. Eat another piece of chocolate birthday cake. My diet today has been really good and I allowed myself a little piece (smaller than a brownie, seriously), but that was a big mistake. I've had three tall glasses of water just trying to get rid of the taste.
2. Get too bummed out about all the old friends I've been digging up online

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE NOW

1. KLaLa. And that's not just reciprocation of her saying she wanted to see me. I miss her so much it makes me want to run to Salem. If I knew I wouldn't lose my job, I'd just take off and do it.

You Know, the Green Stuff

So I put in an application for another job on Wednesday. It's with Idaho Power at their remote Boise substation and it's very similar in nature to what I do now, except I'd be answering phones after hours and taking info on outages and preparing the IVRU and giving emergencies out to dispatchers for only one company instead of 200. I'd also have a wonky work scgedule, which could suck, but for $15 dollars an hour, I'd deal with it. That's right; fifteen dollars an hour. And if I don't like it, I can always come back to the answering service, but I'd like a lot of things for that money.

Anyway, the supervisor out there used to work wih my mom and he was originally the one who recruited me from Adecco to work at Idaho Power as a clerk when I was a senior in high school. Now he told my mom to tell me to apply and he read my cover letter and helped me out with it, so I'm pretty hopeful to get an interview this time. I didn't last time, so it was weird to apply this time. But I am excited to maybe get on this time.

If not, I may be able to milk it for a raise here. That and moving to days and this whole birthday fiasco may get me bumped up to $10.50 if I'm lucky.

Tuesday, April 19

Mania

If yesterday was a peak, today is a valley. I am having the shittiest day and I almost just quit my job. I have had my birthday on the calendar for over a month and I just had my boss tell me I would have to work at 7 in the morning two days after my 21st. I'm going to be so drunk, they're probably going to send me home, and they'll be mad at me, but I told her if you shedule me at seven I'll probably be really hung over. she can suck me sideways.

What's your url, K-La?

Monday, April 18

Thanks, James, You Said It

I feel good
(De-nuh-de-nuh-de-nuh-dunh)
And I knew that I would naah
(De-nuh-de-nuh-de-nuh-dunh)
So good
(dunh-dunh)
So good
(dunh)
I got you
(bum-bum-bum-bum)
WAAAAAAAA!


I must say it feels good to back on this website, wriitng what I want and saying stuff after so long of dedicating myself to work and home and nothing else. I was just reading some of my other posts and I find it so hard to believe that I wrote that stuff. If I weren't the author, I'd probably be glad to pop in and check out this page and see what I was up to. I know that sounds conceited, but I think it just means that since the advent of this weblog I've had not only a healthy sense of humor and whimsy, but a healthy sense of self esteem. And I don't think that's anything to be upset about.

Now that I know I'm worth something, (wink) It's time to start directing my friends to come read up on me and my sparkling wit and verve. (imagine me smiling with big teeth at the camera, maybe a chime and a flash on one of the teeth, you know how it goes)

Sunday, April 17

The Love I Take

I just got done writing an email to Chris Harris, the co-chair of the theatre department at my former university. He was amazing to work with and a totally cool guy and a lot of the reason I left. He made sure that I knew to go where I needed to go to be happy and fulfilled, basically told me to follow my heart, even (perhaps especially) if it were leading me away from Willamette. I really respect and adore him and his quirky caringness. I hope he knows that.

Thursday, April 14

Limber Up! It's National Kick Yourself Day

I've just been on LiveJournal, checking out the recent doings of friends I've so neglected, and beating myself up about not being a good enough friend to KLaLa to even have her address so I can mail her this letter I wrote to her. And while snooping into the not-so-private-as-to-conceal-them-from-the-net-users goings-on of my hopefully still best friend's life, I decided to check on my other pal from WU (Wu Hoo!), CHunt. Last time I talked to her she was going to get married and move to Boise in June, now she's married and honeymooned and in Mountain Home, a mere 45 minutes away from me and it's only April...

Which reminds me, I needs to do my taxes.

Anyway, back to the nonsense about my being an awful friend. It seems I've been so caught up in my boring day to day that I've forgotten about the people of yesterday and how important they are to me. Notice I don't say were. I mean are! They still are so important. I still desperately wish I were back in a place I fled from for my own sanity, just to be near them. So if you guys haven't completely forgotten about me, I just want to say to Carly and Kristin: I miss you so much. I wish I were more involved in each of your lives and I apologize that I am not, and cannot be, really. I's like to know that you guys are doing okay and for entirely egocentric reasons that you might miss me too.